New Year's Eve and The J Syndrome

2008 is just a couple of hours away and as I reflect on what happened the past year, I would say that things were pretty ok except for the past few months coming to the end of the year.

I am being hit by the J Syndrome AGAIN and as much as I would like NOT to get hit by the J Syndrome, it hit me again this morning. And it hit me bad. I have been thinking, I have been so nice to J but she finds my concern and attention overbearing and overwhelming. That's after she got pregnant. I'm trying very hard to give her my moral support and encouragement but I find that whatever I say and do turns into poison. She didnt want this and didnt want that and I acceeded her request and so I did what she wanted and EVEN inspite of that, I still get pushed away. Pushed so much to the edge that I have fallen off it.

We used to have a blog where we shared stuff and as I was typing on that blog, I realised that the posts that she wrote were deleted. I guess she really didnt want our friendship anymore and to me, it was the last straw. I am sick and tired of wasting my bloody time and energy on someone who isn't appreciative of what I'm doing. I thought that we could still be, at least friends, but no, she wanted to destroy the last thing that was holding our friendship together - Our Blog - and when I sent her an email, she refused or can't be bothered to reply. I am frustrated, tired and angry at having to deal with all this shit. If you want to burn the bridge, it shall be burnt. I have thought carefully about it and J isn't worth the friendship, it isnt worth it at all.

She is causing me so much hurt and pain that I think the wounds will take a very long time to heal. J once said that she didnt want to lose a good friend in me. But I think she just did.

I just hope that 2008 will be a good year for me.